There are stages in each of our lives where we see God in different ways. Suddenly our views of the Superhero who comes in and fixes every bruise and dries every tear, becomes the One who lifts us up and hold us tight when our hearts are breaking in pieces around us and we feel everyone is against us. As we age into adults He becomes the One who guides us through the hard decisions of future plans and  marriage. Our Constant throughout every moment in life. How quickly we forget to see Him sometimes. And yet He is there, watching as we grow into the people whom were given free will and given life, given breath. Our Life-Sustainer. Oh what praises my heart sings…to think He made me and gave me breath. Almighty God I see glimpses of You…but I will never fully understand the mystery or power of who You are. And isn’t that truly beautiful? That You are always the one who is God. That You are Beginning…and End. Even before I had a beginning, and after I perish. You are God.

I was listening to a song “I Am” by Nichole Nordeman. This song spoke volumes to my heart. For in life I have felt God’s hand in my times of valleys and mountains. Twenty years and counting my Savior has shown His mercy and love each and every breath. I am a living testimony of His existence–A life which God has made. A being beautifully and wonderfully created, as are each of you who read this. It may seem that God can sometimes be cruel or that He is distant…A God far and believed in by few. But I assure you, our God is ever-present, and Love itself. He is living in the body of Christ, of whom I am a part of, and I pray you are as well. When you feel so alone…feel as if there is nothing to support you in times of trial, or in times of unbelievable and difficult circumstances: He is here, and as the body of Christ–We are here too. You are never alone. Don’t hesitate to reach for what is always there. God loves and wishes to support you. I know that the lies of the world..the countless worries that pile on rip at the seams of our hearts..Yet remeber He told you His burden is light…don’t ever forget that. Lay your burdens at the foot of God, and remember Calvary. The ripping of that curtain–Oh the power of God. Only He could give His Son. What innocence was killed at the cost of our shame and sin…for the Love of He who woven and spun us into life.

“Don’t look at His precious gift of freedom and communication in vain. Hold your hands open children of God, and let His love rain down on your thirsty and dry hearts.”  

My precious sisters in Christ…this one is for you. I adore you. You are such a precious gift to this world, and have so much that you go through. I know the depth of what emotions you feel…of how the smallest of things to others become the shrapnel buried in the heat of life’s battles. The world is not kind, and people are not always kind either. The burden of heartbreak from lost relationships, broken bridges and the fears of being inadequate and small. I wish I could hold you all close. It may seem silly to say, but my heart pours out to each of you. I don’t know you, and yet I feel I do. I will never meet every woman on this earth, or be the answer to someone’s prayer…but God is  the One whom sees each of you out there. He sees and hears every prayer. And He is The Comforter, The Redeemer and The Father. Whether He chooses to use me, that I don’t know and can’t take upon myself unless called…but I do know He is there for you. If you call, He will answer. He is already there. He is your God. And Oh…How He loves you. Reach out and call your precious Savior!!!! Don’t hesitate–Don’t ignore His calling. Please…for the Love of God, accept it and understand…

He is the Great I Am.

In Love,

joyfulpraisegirl

Love is a tough word. You know why? Before you can love, you have to accept what that entails. Yes, love is beautiful. It can heal and open the tightest of hearts. It can open the eyes of the lost, the hurt. It can make you laugh and smile, or even cry. It can achieve the impossible. But when you don’t fully commit to love, when you lessen the definition and don’t take it seriously–Love can fall apart. We always blame love on everything when we have heartbreak. How it’s chalked up to wanting the impossible, and wanting to throw out the joys of beautiful memories to find solace in tears and loneliness. But I’ll tell you something that no one wants to hear. Not even I sometimes.

Love takes work.

The problem I see so many times is the will to love is lost. We have no problems saying I do when it’s easy. When the world is perfectly in lovely order in our minds with wedding and bliss. Yet we see the storm on the horizon, the winds howling on the glass panes of our beautiful homes. No sooner do we have little or no time to prepare, when suddenly the rain is pounding, the lights flicker and we are brought back to reality. And it’s not the rain that does us in. Not the wind or flashes of lightning and booms of thunder. Oh no. It is when you look at the “love of your life” and become so full of despair that the rain won’t end, and that it’s just too hard. BAM. That’s all it takes. One moment of “I’m sick of this.” or “We’re never going to get through these times” And instead of our foundation of relationships being on the Lord, we have placed them in an all too well-known setting of the WORLD’S VIEW of “perfection” and have placed it all on the IMPOSSIBLE. That , my dear friends, is when we find substitutes. That’s when instead of reminding ourselves that God is our rock and that He is the all-knowing and loving God we break down and bury ourselves in ruin. So tell me how many times have you know this to happen? Does this sound familiar?

A husband cheating on his wife who seems distant or too busy. A wife confiding in another man about her husband who just doesn’t get her and looks at other women for lust. Alcohol becoming the medicine for each night to bring comfort to the restless and weary who can’t seem to remember what was so great about their spouse in the first place? Time after time after time. PEOPLE, IT DOES NOT GET BETTER WHEN YOU FIX THE HOLES IN LIFE WITH SIN! It’s a sick lie that people fall into that turns seemingly innocent white lies into a shattered mosaic that was once so honoring to God and held such hope. When you say you are going to marry someone, you mean for better or for WORSE. Not “For the better and now that I have to put in this extra effort–I think I’ve put in enough and want out.”

Love isn’t the stock market. You don’t just pull out because you feel you’d better cut your losses.

If you think like that–Don’t you DARE lay a hand on someone’s heart. And this goes for you dating and engaged girls too. I know it seems like it’s all fun and innocence and that young love is blind…but when you begin to say those words I love you, and you step into the promises of a future with a man, you need to seriously think about what a future with that person means. Are they someone who can lead and put God first in your relationship?  Are they someone who you can spend the rest of your life with and love each day? And I don’t mean the “love” you feel now. I mean the love that only God’s love can give, that can forgive and strive for accepting the person’s bad just as much as their good. If you can say that, and really understand the seriousness of what you’re taking on, then I support that one hundred percent, and so will God.

I can tell you from my own personal perspective–Love is a commitment forever long and nothing short of always.  I am dating a man who is first and foremost my best friend. He knew me from a friend level before we ever thought romantic. We hung out and just enjoyed each other’s company and we had the best times! Even in our relationship today, I have to question myself each and every day: Are you truly loving him in a way that honors God? Are you loving him in a way that God would approve of? You know I ask this even now sitting and writing to you readers..And I just can’t believe how much my definition of love has changed with each and every year I am blessed to live. The wonderful thing about love is it’s always growing. It’s always striving and aiming for the next milestone of achievement. For me it’s getting past the mistakes and my personal failures of taking my focus off God. Now for other’s it could be just getting through one more day without holding anger or resentment and coming back to the truth and life in forgiveness.  It could be reaching for Jesus instead of a bottle of emptiness or another person to fill the loneliness for just one night.

To all of my sweet and amazing women out there: Don’t be afraid to love. God sent Jesus to come and die because He loved. And as long as you remember to love Him first, and make Him your Man of your heart, there is nothing stopping God from giving you what are His gifts of true love. Whether it be a career that honors Him and brings you joy, a man who He deems is the one to love you fully and truly, or a life of missions and spreading joy to others. In His love there are no limits. There are no broken promises or gray areas. There is only the promise that you will always have Someone who holds you every step of the way. So take the first step and don’t be afraid:

Just say yes to love.

In Love,

joyfulpraisegirl

Being a woman I have realized the impact of life. Being a woman is hard. I thought things would somehow get easier, I would understand better. I mean more time on this earth and you’d think we’d get the hang of it!! But the more we learn, the more we lose ourselves. This world is so confusing. I’m not ready for it. You know, it’s like fighting the inner child and the fear of unknowing and being alone. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Our pride wounded, we women stick together and gather up arms! No more. Pain, hurt and sorrow aside, one emotion is buried into the core and sending out the sirens–flashing on the signal lights. A signal fire sounds in the night and we carry ourselves to the threshold of God Almighty Himself–because sometimes life is just that hard. And God willing we will get back up, back onto the battlefield because we were made for this emotion that has driven us since creation—IT’S LOVE.

When I was little I loved to read and write. I loved dresses and competition. I loved my Dad and I loved butterflies. The world was never cruel, and I slept with peace and calm. The worst was 5 minutes of crying over something small and distant. Now I’m a woman. I still love all the same things, but it’s a whole new world. With whole new lessons. And it’s discouraging sometimes. It breaks me here and there. And suddenly I’m craving the younger years, the arms of my Daddy. The soothing words of my Mommy. And it’s okay. But there is a difference in yesterday and today. What might that be?

I’m not moving back anymore. I’m standing my ground. I’m embracing my God.

I’m sick of the selfishness of the world, of the clouded views of love. I’m driven to the insanity mark as soon as I see the visions of worldly couples, unbalanced friendships and breaking glass hearts that people don’t stop and notice because we’re so wrapped up in our mess! And I am a prime example of all the above. My whole life has ben FULL of these moments.You all might know me as Natalie, but you don’t KNOW me. I’m a pushover. I make awful mistakes. I have moments where I cry at night and I have moments of sin that would shock you three times over and have you going: WHAT?? And you know what? That’s okay. Because at the end of the day I get on my knees and I give it to my Saviour. Maybe if the world felt some conviction–but then again I should rephrase. Maybe if PEOPLE felt conviction, and were brave enough to CHANGE things we wouldn’t be a broken wreck of torn up homes, empty marriages or relationships that mock God and His love. I mean I wake up each morning thinking how BLESSED I am, even through the muck of what life has tossed–I see the blessings. I see the beautiful people. When was the last time YOU did that? Thought to yourself maybe instead of just sitting in your mess, picking yourself up and saying: I want to LIVE. I want to GROW. I WANT TO LOVE!!!!

Doesn’t that just encourage you? I’m a liar and a hater, a sinner and a pride filled selfish brat. But who isn’t? Just admit it. Because it’s the first step. When you get past that dust on the outside of the crystal and shine away the cobwebs and your sorrow, there is a brilliant light waiting. And I’m talking a real light. With limitless power and no charge for the light bill. I’m talking Jesus Christ.

Hear me out women of the world: You’re beautiful. You’re the one who was given the emotions overflowing, the miracle of life-giving and the will to do it. I can tell you I LOVE women. I love looking at God’s masterpiece on display. We’re sensitive and fragile–But get to know us and you’ll see that regardless we are the strongest. We are the ones who take it, and it’s not always the best that we’re given–and isn’t that just life? But each and every one of us deserves Love. We deserve real love. And for you ladies dating and/or enagaged: Our bodies were made for beauty, our hearts made for the sweetest of wines that should be kept for the ONE MAN. The ONE MAN that is out there and made for us. And God knows, you know what I am talking about. Ladies we give and give, and sometimes…sometimes we need to step back and just say: God, is this really what you want? Or is it that the world has our heart’s on a string and tells us when to sit, play and roll over??….Okay now I sound like a feminist. Ha. But seriously!!! This is not a joke. Or a self-help in 30 days. It’s a serious truth. And I’m not playing the games anymore.

God has a plan for you. Someone who is made for you or even Something. This isn’t just marriage or men I’m talking about–this is loving life. I have a dear friend who loves children and the people who need love in Africa!! And my God she loves them! SHE LOVES THEM.  And she is satisfied with waking up each morning to the joy of a place where she stands out and joyfully steps in to the blend and grabs a child’s hand or speaks her gentle words without a second thought. Now THAT is love people. I’m not saying go be a missionary (but then again I would say from personal experience–if you haven’t, do it. God calls, and I pray we have more answers) Love, as the world sees it, is like stepping out on a limb–But I am telling you: No. Real love is stepping out on solid ground and knowing that whatever comes your way is worth every bit of pleasure that God has in store, here and when we die. That’s Love. That’s what people die for. Not for the stupidity of a one night stand or the embracing of something that harms more than helps in the long run; WHATEVER or WHOEVER that may be.  Just drop your pride and let go of the LIES!!!! Just embrace love while you can. It’s not that you have to understand it, it’s not that you have to always like it either (I’ll talk about that in my next blog post) But love is worth every drop of blood Christ spilled. And He gave it all for our Father’s love. Maybe we should learn from a man who gave his EVERY SINGLE OUNCE OF MATTER to give us LOVE.

Think about it. And in the meantime, to all you beautiful ladies (and that includes every one of you) You’re beautiful, and you’re LOVED. Period.

In Love,

joyfulpraisegirl 

You see, I found out some bad news a few days ago. My body needs a bit of work done to it..and it’s important it happens soon. Prayer would be appreciated just for healing, and trust in God for all to turn out right. I don’t know what God has in mind for this, what purpose this serves, but I’m just going to pray He can benefit from it–and that I can praise Him and trust Him through each step of the way. Sometimes…life can be pretty scary. I know that I’m not alone though, and He holds me in His hands.  So here’s to healing if possible and God’s will! 

I’m getting tired of typing, and think I should sleep soon. But I hope to keep thinking on the post I put up yesterday before I turn in…Who knows. I might just wake up in the middle of the night when it hits me. Ha. I’d so do that. 

In love,

joyfulpraisegirl

The first time I ever wrote in a journal, I wrote a letter to God. I was young, and couldn’t imagine who else to talk to. So instead of writing “Dear Journal” or “Dear Diary” I wrote: “Dear God” It’s stuck ever since. Funny thing about writing to God…it’s always the best entries and the most significant ones. When the world becomes too much, my thoughts amuck and dreams to ponder and plunder come alive, I reach for my friend waiting patiently with empty pages ready for filling.  But lately I have a had an argument with myself in my journal. It’s a war of the heart and emotions streaming across the innocent and unexpecting white filling between the lines. It has to do with a post I’m keeping private for now titled “Love” Because sometimes you fellow readers can’t know everything And I need to have my secrets. But here’s a question for you readers, and I hope you would answer me if you could think of a reply.

When does love become Love?

Do you get it? Probably not. It’s like asking a person: When does a dream become a Dream? It’s that step of complete faith, the surge of pure determination that soars and moves mountains to reach what reality thought could never happen and denied all along: A miracle.

I think I’m going to really think about this one. I’ve been digging deeper into places I didn’t even know existed because I was too fearful of what it would mean. But for now I bid all goodnight. Thanks for reading as you unknown people always do.

In Love,

joyfulpraisegirl

I have discovered God has been talking to me while I was on my own frequency. It wasn’t until last week that I stepped away from a picture perfect display of my life, and onto my knees crying because I noticed God was trying so hard to break the make-believe I wanted to see. My soul is a mess when I see it. A scattered mess of threads. A garden with random patches of flowers that make no sense..not  matching a flowing pattern. There is something about being on my knees, that humbles my soul. It takes saying what you wish wasn’t true, exposing the ugly fragments in what He calls a masterpiece– a beautiful display. Only God can get to me on a level that I meet Him in the moments when I’m in the wrong directions–and drop everything to run to Him. I can feel his hands on my face. My heart in His place. A love that I was created for. God..even when I am your greatest disappointment in my mind, You see the real me and break the bars I am building around my heart. You see what I can be. What will be. You want the best for me, and made me with purpose that I lose focus of all the time. You…Oh God. God. You love. A person like me. What a fool I am…for forgetting.

There is a song I heard today. “We Build” by Nichole Nordeman… It took me time to understand what it was saying, but now I know. Why I struggle and have a feeling in my gut saying what I could never do, and watching You come in and give me the strength to start again by doing it. Father, I’m so scared. You know how my heart is trembling, how my emotions behind the dam are spilling. But…I trust you God. Because you know best. You use me as You will and gently lead me past the branches, the rubble and soot. You brace me for the hardest winds, You grasp my heart when I feel I fall–and there I am in Your arms. I’m so glad you are not like me God. I would have been frustrated, watching me stand on the road waiting for something that You knew wasn’t what I needed. Not what You have in mind. That in Your time, if I listen and obey, You will have what You know I need. If I just get up, and look forward. If I just hold Your open hand and smile…and trust. No matter the results, no matter the reason or logic of my small brain…I accept it all. I willingly accept it all. Thank you for showing me this song, and reminding me what Your Love is when life…becomes what I try to make it on my own. I love you, Father.

In Love,

joyfulpraisegirl

It’s bigger than we thought
It’s taller than it ought to be
This pile of rubble and ruins

The neighbors must talk
It’s the worst yard on the block
Just branches and boards where walls stood

Did it seem to you
Like the storm just knew
We weren’t quite finished with the roof
When it started?

So we build
We build
We clear away what was and make room for what will be
If you hold the nails, I’ll take the hammer
I’ll hold it still, if you’ll climb the ladder
If you will, then I will, build

On any given day
We could simply walk away
And let someone else hold the pieces

The lie that we tell
Says its better somewhere else
As if love flies south when it freezes

What I’m trying to say
In some clumsy way
Is that it’s you and only you for always

What I’m trying to say
In some clumsy way
Is that its you and only you, not just for now, not just today
But its you and only you for always

So I was thinking today about what kind of woman I am becoming. Am I becoming one who respects the Lord? Lately I feel like I need to focus way more time on God. It feels crucial that I read my bible and dutifully take in my small group book studies seriously and look deeper than the outer surface areas of myself. Sometimes looking too deep though gets not only messy, but scary. Which is pretty sad that I fear my own heart’s inner workings. I can’t understand me sometimes..Oh well.But I mean really–what shapes me to be a woman of God? My influences in my lie, the environment and others that surround me and my every day walk. I mean there are so many things that boil down to one act: I want to be a Woman of God. And that is quite the title that even I shudder to imagine how off of this scale I am sometimes..

I have a test in the morning and should probably go to bed. My head is pounding and my eyes are closing but I just had this thought in my head and now it’s taking over my process of sleep deprivation rescue.Maybe I will blog tomorrow…It’s getting late for this brain of mine to function. After getting frustrated with typos and my inability to correctly read my typing–it is safe to say that i will continue tomorrow. Otherwise my laptop will not like me.,

In Love,

joyfulpraisegirl

I don’t feel like me. Where do I belong? God has this plan for me that I don’t know…and my questioning has only made me look to Him and go: Are we even on the same page??? Or am I reading things wrong?

Have you ever just had a time where you felt like God was telling you one thing, and then suddenly he says to do something totally different? I hate second guessing myself. And I hate the word hate but honestly I am so lost. Frustrated is an understatement. I have this passion for missions building inside me, I have a heart longing for more than Houston. I suddenly have more of a drive to be a teacher than a nurse. I can’t remember the last time I suddenly felt so desperate to pray and let loose. Talking with God is becoming so hard. Communicating has never been so tiring. Who am I? It’s like fighting myself, two sides that can’t be in the same body, struggling to get their say and repeating: “Choose already!” God what did you make me for?????? What ways can I give you glory? What’s my gift that gives you glory??? What is the purpose of my desperation that craves your love and to give you love and adoration. This isn’t what I want. I don’t want to keep this up. This go to school, go to work, make happy, and sleep. Repeat.

Why is it that I want so bad to escape choices? To sleep away my existence if I can’t have something to live for…I get so irritated so easily. It doesn’t take much. My patience is wearing thin. I lay down and think: “When?” I don’t want to live with a schedule that is made up of “lets stay happy.” What happiness is worth a day? Maybe a week? God help me give you that love you have inside of me locked up so tight. Unleash me and the beauty you have buried in this corpse filled with lifelessness. Shake me awake. Breathe in that breath. Pulse the beat. Break me free. Take off the locks–the chains. The ones I want so bad to stay on because I get so lost. Lead me to You. I want to love you. And need to love you. My purpose is in your coming, in your sacrifices, in your blood of love.

Sigh. Time for a break. Hopefully tonight will prove to be a big fat wake up call. Carry me Father. I am getting tired of walking, but I desire you so bad.

In Love,

joyfulpraisegirl

One morning much like my above narration, I had woken up and quite regrettably remembered I needed to rush and get ready. My loving and amazing man who runs every other morning with me at 5 was waiting patiently for me as I had just dressed for our run. After running outside, a quick chit chat, and a small kiss or hug before our run–we’re off! I have never loved anything like running until now. (Having someone to encourage you and know that they are there for you as much as you are there for them is awesome. No lie. I am crazy blessed!) The feel of the morning air pushing past me with each step is exhilarating and makes the small puffs of air worthwhile in the stillness of the morning. The moon beats down on the track we have frequented since we had started our routine, and the stars are shaped in wonder. God is so good. I have learned in our runs that God is everywhere in everything in creation. Like one morning I remember running and looking up in the sky to see a question mark made of stars. Seriously, it was like God asking: “Hey my sweet daughter, what’s on your mind?” Cool stuff.

After much physical effort to survive the last lap, and my love’s ease of gliding straight through it–we both head back to the house pushing each other to the end silently with each pound of the pavement. It was then that I looked up and saw the most beautiful sight, and had to do a double take. It was twilight.  Before us the sky was painted yellow and a hue of orange. The purples were whispering to the pinks that melted into the blues, which faded back into the night still not willing to surrender. Imagine the sunrise of all sunrises, while you are out of breath and zapped of all energy. I remember being ecstatic. Sad, probably. But still I looked at the sun and immediately opened my mouth and told my boyfriend: “Look at that! It’s twilight!” My heart was pounding in rapture. My Father made this beautiful sunrise! He MADE it. The colors, the sun, the sky, the air I am breathing, the joy that I am feeling. It sounds so elementary–but seriously: He is beyond words in His Glory and beautiful works. I cannot imagine heaven’s affect on me if just a sunrise can steal my breath and send me into inner (and outer) exultation. It gave me the strength to make it through those last four minutes with a speed even I was proud of

Just wanted to shout a praise to our God. Is He not awesome? I love Him.

In Love,

joyfulpraisegirl

“The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped;my heart exults, and with MY SONG I give thanks to him.”

Yesterday our pastor in Awaken service asked the question: “If I could make you sing the song that lives inside of your soul, What would it be?” If I had to be completely honest, I would say even at this very instant I am not sure. We are studying the book of Psalms, and in such read a psalm and talk about what it means and the meaning behind the words. This past message spoke to me deeply, and I was challenged this week to wonder: “What is my lifesong?”

There is a song by Casting Crowns called Lifesong. Here is a segment of the lyrics starting from the beginning of the song:

Empty hands held high; such small sacrifice

If not joined with my life, I sing in vain tonight

May the words I say and the things I do

Make my lifesong sing, Bring a smile to you

With my Lord I have nothing to offer Him but my devotion to Him: My love and a fervent passion to be with Him and keep Him first in all things. It is when I read these lyrics that I realize what I am not.  I am not my own. I cannot make me, nor I do not have the power to breathe life relying on my breath and ashes. I cannot speak anything into existence. I am tied down by time. I am small. I have a purpose set by one who is greater than I. I did not make love, nor can I act it out correctly relying on my nature alone.

Yet also I have realized what I am: I am His. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and have power in Christ who strengthens me. I was spoken into existence by Him. I am a follower of One who is not limited to time: My Lord is the I am. The beginning and the end. He is immeasurable, my refuge in which I can take shelter. I have a God-given purpose in this life which was given by Him, that I shall fulfill as He tells me to. He is love which I crave and desire. He is teaching me every day what love really means, and how I am to share it with others.

I want to live my life with these above words in mind. What I am because of what He has been, is, and always will be. I pray I can bring a smile to God’s face. To see such a scene would be a sight! I couldn’t imagine being in front of God and knowing something I did could make Him smile! I am going to reflect on my actions, words, and life: Is the song in my soul the one I wish to sing to my Father?

When I decide on my answer to this, I’ll post again. Just like on the Lifesong album of Casting Crowns, the very last track is: “And Now My Lifesong Sings” I will make that my title and pray that I can learn more and seek His guidance in the Word.

In Love,

joyfulpraisegirl