What are my weakest moments? What is it that can send me to my knees in shame, conviction, and brokenness? I have asked myself this all day today, and for the past few days regarding my issue that haunts me every time leading me to the conclusion: By letting my weaknesses control ME, I am not fulfilling GOD’S will.
In my Beth Moore small group study we are reading from Esther 4 and picking apart details; ones that may not normally stand out when just scanning the Word. Starting from verse 5, we watch the way that Esther (the Jew, and now queen of Susa) reacts to her relative, Mordecai (who is a Jew, and raised her because of her parents death) who was at the gates in SACKCLOTH and ASHES where he WORKED because of what HAMAN (who is enraged with anger against Mordecai for not bowing to him) had the KING’S (Xerxes)approval on the decree: That every Jew in Susa was to be killed within 11 months–on the twelfth month. (This is among the time line when the PASSOVER is OCCURRING which is an important fact which will later be of a greater significance in the verses to come)
Now two sides of the picture play out with one being Mordecai and the following Jews of Susa learning of their death which is 11 MONTHS AWAY (imagine such a fate looming over you! Talk about living in fear..) and then Esther–who has no idea until NOW to learn of this decree happening.
If you read their back and forth conversation thanks to messenger Hathach (who was not a Jew, but a king’s eunuch who was appointed to attend Esther: Picture in your mind being someone who was to message the fate of an entire people and their demise to someone else who APPLIED to it) you find that Esther says the following verses which raise the doubt and fear she feels in her mind:
“All the king’s servants and the people of the king’s provinces know that for any man or woman who comes to the king to the inner court who is not summoned, he has but one law, that he be put to death, unless the king holds out to him the golden scepter so that he may live. And I have not been summoned to come to the king for these thirty days.”
Not only is she pointing out that there is a chance she will die, but that everyone, including him, should know this. She also points out that she has not been summoned to the king for 30 DAYS. Now if you are like me when reading you would normally read this and go, “Okay, well then now she is going to see him so it’s all good.” No. This study questions: Why? Why is it that she had not been summoned for 30 days? What is wrong, or has happened to cause the Kind to not see or speak with Esther–HIS WIFE–for 30 DAYS??? I questioned this amongst my small group I am in and it came across in many different way that are all both very likely and probable. One I found most interesting was: Maybe because God had planned this entire thing, so that within these 30 days she can now align her thoughts to that of THIS matter, with the emotions from her husband not calling for her in a month’s time in the shadows of her mind and heart.
Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, “Do not imagine that you in the king’s palace can escape any more than all the Jews. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place and you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?”
which long story short: Mordecai is telling her that she is not going to be escaping the fate placed upon them with this decree: She is also a Jew–Queen or not. And the next point he makes is pointing out what brings comfort to me : “And who knows whether you have attained royalty for such a time as this?” Who is to say God has not placed her in this position–this moment–in order that she may fulfill God’s purpose in delivering His people by sending Esther to talk with the King and throw away her fears for the sake of HER PEOPLE. There is such irony in the fact that she is Queen, but is placed as Queen because of GOD’S plan in saving His people. Though I can imagine the fear of the situation, there is a sense of modern day screaming it’s common truth: What is happening and what will happen is in accordance with God’s will and His plans for our lives, that we may fulfill HIS PURPOSE. I hope I don’t have to put in bold what a big deal this is. That God is not mentioned in the book of Esther (check if you don’t believe me!) but His presence is UNDENIABLY THERE. especially in moments like these, when Mordecai points it out to her in black and white.
I find the next verses interesting because before our eyes, Esther is GROWING spiritually and FIGHTING A BATTLE INSIDE HERSELF within a few sentences that pass.
“Go, assemble all the Jews who are found in Susa, and fast for me; do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my maidens also will fast in the same way. And thus I will go in to the king, which is not according to the law; and if I perish, I perish.”
Do you see how amazing this is?! she has gone from “Um..hello? I could die.” to “..and if I perish, I perish.” What a marvelous God we serve. esther takes what God has set before her and instead of marching straight to the solution–she asks for FASTING. Not just ANY fasting either. But no FOOD or DRINK for 3 DAYS. Can you imagine not eating or drinking for three days? I mean honestly imagine it. Your stomach craving even the slightest crumb, and your parched mouth craving a drop of water. This meant business. especially when you consider this is around the Passover–a time where FEASTING and JOY is to be found, and here you see FASTING, and sadness engulfing an entire people. and she is also fasting, along with her maidens, so that she may go to the King; NOT KNOWING WHAT THE OUTCOME WILL BE.
I want so bad to have this. This courage that she found in the Lord, through the fasting of her people in reverence and communication to God and their immense need to be heard. What is funny is what I want is already being given. In desperate situations and trials that the Lord puts me through, He stands with courage to see me through it and a love unfailing and unyielding to carry me on. There is nothing that God would not ask me to go through in which He would not offer courage and strength that is His alone in order to serve His will. What a beautiful and loving God we serve. And man, what a heart that I desire to work for. My challenge to myself is to build up every ounce of strength I have and use it on myself and these weaknesses buried within. That I may leave no room for doubt, and only a bravery and trust in my God and His purpose for me.
Just stuff to think about…
In Love,
joyfulpraisegirl